I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
