I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
