he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
