That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
