I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
