Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
