I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
