TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
