I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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