i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
they're like a gay fantastic four
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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