its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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