Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
