I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
