I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
