Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
