wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
