Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
