so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
