So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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