i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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