do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
