im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
