I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
