Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
