lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
