Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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