we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
