Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
