they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
