I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
