Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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