The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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