so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
