is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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