I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
