Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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