goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
