then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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