ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
