This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
