Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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