Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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