A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
