I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
