I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I love you.
Bad choice
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize