o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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