I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
