Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
