Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
