she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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