just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
