Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
