I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
