First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
