i permit you to call me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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