I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
