8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
