ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
