My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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