Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
