I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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