can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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