i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize