can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
sarcasm needs its own font
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
