So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
