i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize