Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
