I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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