yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
