My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
