I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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