if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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