You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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