Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
