I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need to calm my uterus...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
