i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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