If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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