I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
