I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
