my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
