haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
