found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
