i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
