i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
