i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
