Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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